Mittwoch, 8. Juli 2015

#14 02:35 am

My phone vibrates. I look at the display and the ten letters of your name make my heart race. All the memories come back.

3 years ago, we met for the first time. We were both 16, actually I was almost 17. We started to get close and I was glad that I had found someone like you. I smile when I remember our conversations, sometimes silly, sometimes serious; our nights spent sitting somewhere in the dark, not wanting to go home; I remember that I once said

"Look at all these people
they are going home
but we
we aren't."

And you nodded and we were sad.

Now when I think of it, I'm not sad, I'm just happy and a little melancholic.

Well, autumn came, the bright skies turned grey and the same happened to us. Everyone skips classes from time to time but you did it all the time. I was worried and I didn't know what to do. And then you got sick and stayed away from school even more. The doctors didn't know what was wrong with you, none knew.

And then one day, everything escalated, I was so scared, I realized that you had felt so bad for a long time. It didn't get better, I'm glad I didn't know what was going to happen to me after you left.

Yeah, you left.

I remember all the tiny details about the moment when I saw you for the last time. I remember how pale you were, your scared eyes were looking at me, you were trembling so bad that I thought you'd faint. I remember exactly where we were standing.

You said

"I'm scared."

I replied

"Don't be scared
everything will be fine."

I didn't see you again.

We sometimes texted each other but then we suddenly stopped. I was worried, I hoped that you were still alive yet I didn't try to contact you. I felt so guilty and I never forgot you, I promised myself that I'd see you again in my life.

2.5 years passed, you faded away yet I wasn't able to completely forget you and I wondered how life would be if you were still here. In the end, the picture of you didn't fit in anymore. That was when I realized that I have become another person, a young woman compared to the girl I was when I first met you.

We might be different, we might look diferent, yet we have something in common: We both were young girls who didn't know how cruel life can be and then we got broken into a thousand pieces. But we got fixed, we became whole again and here we are now, stronger than before, stronger than we thought we could be.

So when my phone vibrated and I saw your name, I swear I've never clicked "Accept friend request" that fast. My fingers were shaking when I texted you. I couldn't believe it, I still can't. I told you that I was so happy to hear from you, you told me that your hard times are over now, that you feel so much better.

We talked and it was like texting a stranger and a friend at the same time. I basically texted someone that I used to know and who I have to get to know again.

We promised each other to meet up soon. I couldn't stop smiling, I still can't.

I looked at your picture.

"I have changed"

you said.

You're right, you look different, you look happy. I realized that I look different too, three years are a long time. My cheecks aren't as chubby as they used to be (they are still chubby though), I wear different glasses and different clothes, my hair is straight instead of wavy. Actually, my whole body has changed, some features for the better, some for the worse but not only my body has changed, my personality has changed too.

After a while, you asked:

"So, what's the news?"

I had to put my phone down. I didn't know what to say.


I'd love to reply.

I have often imagined what I'd tell you if we ever meet again but now it's so odd... Everything's not like it was before, everything and everyone changed drastically.

I wouldn't mind telling you everything though.

But do you wanna hear it? It's all gone.

Does it even matter to you anymore?

Does it even matter at all?

What matters in life?

Few things, I guess.

And to be honest, I don't care what we talk about as long as we talk.

No, what has happened doesn't matter at all but when it's true that few things in life really matter, then I can tell you

that one of them

is you.

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