Montag, 6. Juli 2015

#13 And I'm losing the will to try

don't you ever miss mePeople change sometimes. You wish they'd stay the same though, especially when they change for the worse. Suddenly, people who you thought would stay close to you and to your heart start to drift away. They don't text you back or they send you rude replies or they cancel plans all the time. They barely touch you anymore, they see someone else more than they see you or they can't meet you because they're waiting for others to make plans with them - without you.
Sure, you still talk and you pretend that everything's fine, yet you always end up talking about boring things like the weather or you hear the same story of the tenth time. You feel as if the other person doesn't even listen to you anymore, they ignore your sorrows and talk about themselves instead. When you're together, they're somewhere else mentally and it makes you feel stupid. When you're in pain, you swallow your tears and try your hardest not to tell them that you need them because they're too busy anyway. "I love you" or "I will be there for you" or whatever they said doesn't mean anything anymore yet they expect you to keep all your promises.
It makes you feel sad and worthless and you tell yourself that none needs you anyway. You just thought that they were different. They've changed so fast and it's so bad and actually none would stop you from just leaving them, slowly deleting them from your life, actually none but your heart. Because they still mean a lot to you or because you remember all the beautiful moments you spent together or because there'd be a giant hole without them in your life.
And that's when you realize that you can't just stay with people you love as long as they're nice and caring. If they really mean something to you, you are willing to work on it, you don't just leave them because they give oyu rain instead of sunshine. In a relationship, in a friendship or in whatever you two are, you can't just pack your things and go when it gets hard. 'It wouldn't be fair', you say to yourself and you stay, hoping they'll realize one day that you don't wanna be without them even though they constantly break your heart. Maybe they'll realize it one day... but maybe they won't.

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