Dienstag, 16. Juni 2015

#2 I think home is where the heart is and my home's still the place where you belong.

early morning

I'm watching "Vincent will Meer" on TV.
I haven't seen it since 2 years. We watched it in our last psy lesson on the last day of school of my first year. There's that song in this film which really hits me and reminds me of that day 2 years ago.

I feel like I remember everything: How I took the bus with a class mate instead of walking even though we knew we'd be late. We even wrote "Tell them we're late because we're cool." in our group chat. I remember eating chocolate and watching the film in a class room with giant windows. I remember hanging out in the cafeteria, eating chips and talking. I remember the boring movie we watched in chemistry. I remember almost missing the train in the evening because I had some problems with my hair. I remember that cool night we spent all together, making videos, drinking (coke for me, alcohol of many of the others :P) and just being nice to each other.

But not only this song reminds me of that day; it also reminds me of that time in my life. I remember how I was very brave every day even though I often felt very bad. I remember how different everything was; my friends, my worries, the things I liked and disliked, the things I wished for and my personality. The last one has changed a lot. I'm not missing the old me, yet hearing that song makes me feel nostalgic for these times which have passed.

I want something back but I don't know what it is. Maybe I want that happiness back, that kind of happiness which was so strong it almost tore me apart. Maybe I want to be as carefree as I was back then even though I wasn't truly carefree, I have just worried about different things than these I worry about now. Maybe I want the time back; the time that has passed too fast yet not fast enough at certain times in my life.

But I guess I'm just scared that it will never be as great as it was back then. I know it's wrong. I spend so many great days and moments with my friends, I watch amazing movies and listen to songs which will later remind me of my current adventures.

So why do I still feel so nostalgic when I listen to this song? Is it because I only realize how good certain moments were when they have passed and when my life has changed and certain things have ended? I wish I'd be less emotional so these flashbacks wouldn't hurt me but doesn't everyone feel the same about the sweet things in life that we have lost?

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