#5 slowly drifting away...

It was a warm Friday evening and I decided to go out with a class mate. I like going out, it's fun and I love how I never know who I'll meet in the city/pub/club.

We talked and drank a lot. I enjoy talkative people; as much as I love talking, I also love listening to the stories others tell me. First we talked about school and other class mates, then about sports (we both don't like this fitness hype) and as the time flew by, our stories got more personal and that's what I love about Friday evenings. We changed the place after two hours and went to our favorite pub. Our whole school usually hangs out there on Fridays but (luckily) we didn't know anyone when we arrived. The music was loud  as always, yet it didn't stop us from talking even more. 

Not only I like listening to others, I also like looking at them when they talk; when they wave their hands to demonstrate something; when their facial expression goes from a smile to a more serious look. I like it when others repeat the same word or expression several times; when they talk so fast they swallow a word... Yeah, talking is just awesome!

When I returned from the bathroom, some other friends came in and they were so excited to see me, it made me so happy! They screamed "We've heard you passed your finals!" and then they hugged me, gave me high fives and it was a beautiful, cheerful moment. I felt like I haven't seen them for ages, actually I last saw them two weeks ago but that's another Friday-thing: people are always very excited to see other people/their friends/class mates. My friends briefly joined us and we talked about some things that had happened at our school, then they went outside and it was my class mate's turn to go to the bathroom. I was sitting at our tiny table, watching her bag, staring at the half-full wine glasses in front of me when the jukebox started to play "Waves" by Mr. Probz.



Suddenly, I felt alone even though I was surrounded by so many people in the pub. It felt as if there was only the music and all the other noises were turned off. The whole evening flashed through my head; my friends' laughter, their smiles, everything they said, everything that made me cheerful... And I realized that this will be gone so soon, I realized that I'll leave it all behind in a few weeks. Of course, I'll be back next year but everything will be different and I don't know how it will be. I was scared, I wanted the feelings to go away, I wanted my friend to come back from the bathroom as soon as possible. Every minute that passed while I was alone felt like forever.

When my class mate finally came back, it felt as if all the noises suddenly came back; I wasn't scared anymore and I continued to talk as if nothing had happened. Feelings are strange, aren't they?

#2 I think home is where the heart is and my home's still the place where you belong.

I'm watching "Vincent will Meer" on TV.
I haven't seen it since 2 years. We watched it in our last psy lesson on the last day of school of my first year. There's that song in this film which really hits me and reminds me of that day 2 years ago.



I feel like I remember everything: How I took the bus with a class mate instead of walking even though we knew we'd be late. We even wrote "Tell them we're late because we're cool." in our group chat. I remember eating chocolate and watching the film in a class room with giant windows. I remember hanging out in the cafeteria, eating chips and talking. I remember the boring movie we watched in chemistry. I remember almost missing the train in the evening because I had some problems with my hair. I remember that cool night we spent all together, making videos, drinking (coke for me, alcohol of many of the others :P) and just being nice to each other.

But not only this song reminds me of that day; it also reminds me of that time in my life. I remember how I was very brave every day even though I often felt very bad. I remember how different everything was; my friends, my worries, the things I liked and disliked, the things I wished for and my personality. The last one has changed a lot. I'm not missing the old me, yet hearing that song makes me feel nostalgic for these times which have passed.

I want something back but I don't know what it is. Maybe I want that happiness back, that kind of happiness which was so strong it almost tore me apart. Maybe I want to be as carefree as I was back then even though I wasn't truly carefree, I have just worried about different things than these I worry about now. Maybe I want the time back; the time that has passed too fast yet not fast enough at certain times in my life.

But I guess I'm just scared that it will never be as great as it was back then. I know it's wrong. I spend so many great days and moments with my friends, I watch amazing movies and listen to songs which will later remind me of my current adventures.

So why do I still feel so nostalgic when I listen to this song? Is it because I only realize how good certain moments were when they have passed and when my life has changed and certain things have ended? I wish I'd be less emotional so these flashbacks wouldn't hurt me but doesn't everyone feel the same about the sweet things in life that we have lost?